Goodbye Ranma
by Sir Thames
Summary: After a life of womanizing Ranma dies and comes back just in time to renew his relationship with his best friend Ryoga. Ryoga and Ranma try to figure out a way to solve Ranma's problem. RyogaxRanma
1. Chapter 1

Goodbye Ranma!

_Hello everyone. Reading other fanfics is nice, but it's time for my fanfiction. This is based on a movie I saw a while ago. This is an alternate universe fanfic where Ranma is a great martial artist while Ryoga is a friend of his. They both practice martial arts, but they don't hate each other. Nabiki is known to Ranma and Ryoga, but Akane was never engaged to be married to Ranma. Genma has passed away before trying to rope Ranma into marrying Akane, thus Ranma never visits Jusenkyo and neither does Ryoga. Ranma has made some money being involved in underground street fights and has a career as a movie star. Ryoga has done the same but normally works as a stuntman when he isn't teaching martial arts to movie stars all over the world. The Amazons aren't even in this fic. There will be much out of character OOC going on here. The main characters are in their twenties instead of being teenagers. Happosai is still very old in his sixties, but he isn't so short. Give me a ring as to how this one goes._

A posh, luxury liner is out to a few miles off the coast in the Sea of Japan. The ocean waters are rocking the ship back and forth. The liner is in no danger however. On this destroyer sized yacht a party is going on. There is ghastly music playing all through the ship on loudspeakers. Many people are dancing to this music. A woman named Nabiki Tendo sits down, looking around and nursing a drink. "Good thing I showed up for this shindig. Business will be better from now on."

There is another woman there at the party, sitting down and looking around nervously. Her name is Sayuri Tanaka. She has long, dark brown hair done up in a pony tail. She's a pretty lady in her a light blue dress. Sitting right next to her and similarly dressed is Yuka Ohara. She has long, light brown hair and is nice looking too. Both women are scandalized over the orgy going on at the party. What's worse. Their husbands are partying it up with younger, hotter chicks.

Also attending the party is a certain Ranma Saotome, martial arts champion and wannabe movie star. "Hey, babe. How about you and me go to your room and bang each other?"

"You're always coming on to girls, Ranma. Am I to be yet another one of your conquests? Besides, my husband isn't very far away." The stunning, middle aged woman looks on her would be paramour with a smile. Rubbing up against him, she wears tight clothing that shows off her svelte figure.

"I don't see you as another conquest, Seiko. At this moment, you mean everything to me." "At least, that's how I feel right now," Ranma thinks to himself with an inward smirk.

The husband of Seiko, the owner of the luxury liner and host of the party is Happosai Sokko. Happosai is a medium heighted with graying hair. He's slightly balding and has a look of seriousness on his face as he plays cards with some of his mates who just like him are bigwigs in the film industry. Happosai along with his friends are very rich and wealthy. "Read em and weep, boys!" Happosai says, laying his cards down.

"You win again, Happy," a film producer says, throwing his cards down. "Let me win me dough back."

"Later, Matsuda. There's something I have to look into. I'll be right back." Out of the corner of his eye, Happosai notices Ranma and his trophy wife disappear from the main deck of the party. "What does that bloke think he's going to do with my wife?" Happosai thinks in a rage. He gets up and follows the couple, going through many of the party goers engaged in various kinds of dancing. The dirty dancer shakes herself, doing the shimmy and causing Happosai to do a double take.

"Hey, big spender! How do you like my moneymaker?" the lady yells, putting her enhanced chest in the old man's face while dancing.

"Looking good, baby. Looking real good. I'll be back in a few." However, instead of going off as he had planned, Happy stared down the cleavage of the pretty young thing. "She's a looker," the old man thinks to himself without taking his eyes off of her bulging body.

At another part of the ship, Ranma and Seiko occupy an empty storage room on the upper deck. "You got a pretty body, luv," Ranma says. He slowly unzips her skin tight evening gown and uses his index finger to touch the nape of her neck. He then works his way downward, touching and caressing to the small of her back.

"Ooh," Seiko coos and moans while Ranma's skilled fingers stroke her up and down.

"There's more where that comes from, luv." Ranma proceeds to further undress the pleasured woman, touching the front of her in the same manner he touches her backside.

"Ooh, Ranma!"

"Where did they go?" Happosai kept on walking until he heard sounds of rapture. "That's my wife! How dare that dancing dick screw my wife on my own boat? And after I trained his late father who trained him. He gets me so angry! I'll do more than box his ears when I get my hands on him!"

He walks over to a door and kicks it open! "What are you doing with my wife, you bloody codger!"

"Happy!" the naked woman screams. "I can explain it all!"

"Shut up, slut! I'll deal with you later!" Then he turns to Ranma who barely manages to get his knickers on.

"Relax, Happy. These things occur," the pigtailed martial artist answers nervously. He tries to keep things cool and fails miserably.

"Shut up, Ranma. I knew you were a ladies man. Heck, I'm the one who taught you how to chat up women. You could have had almost any woman you wanted, but you had to go after my wife. Why you..."

"You taught me how to chat up women? Listen, pops. I'm a self made man. You may have taught my father, but I'm the one who went from establishment to establishment learning different martial arts. Techniques that took most people months took me hours, minutes even. I worked my ass off training my body into the specimen it is today," Ranma says with arrogance.

Happosai then becomes more angry, his face turning red with steam coming out of his ears. "That's it! Happo-burst!"

Ranma immediately dodges the first cracker ball of fire. "Missed me." However, the first ball is a fake out, thrown to set Ranma up for the Happosai's real attack. "Ow! Take it easy, Happy!"

"No, you young whipper snapper! You've taken things too far this time. Happo Fire!" The old man's next attack is a volley of Happo bursts. The volley is so intense that the explosion knocks Ranma through a window of the of the ship, sending him into the sea.

"Ungh!" Ranma moans, unconscious as he falls into the sea.

"The ship's going to blow!" the physically enhanced starlet from earlier screams as explosions rock the boat. Then a loud splash is heard. Many of the party goers run to the side of the boat, seeing only bubbly, explosive water as the stunned and injured Ranma sinks down lower and lower into the depths of the sea.

A young man wearing a business suit exits a bullet train in a Tokyo station. He's well built and has a serious look about him. While walking through the station a sophisticated woman hails him. "Ryoga! It's great to see you again. Have you've overcome your tendency to get lost?"

"I have. It took a lot of mental training, but I did it. I've actually used that to increase my chances of winning fights whether on the street or in a tournament. Anyhow, It's great seeing you too, Nabiki." Ryoga takes a good look at the sharply dressed woman arrayed in business office attire. Then both of them bow to each other formally. "Thanks for giving me a ride."

"It's the least I could do. I only wish we could be meeting again under different circumstances," the sophisticated woman answers.

"Yeah, What happened to Ranma was shocking to say the least," Ryoga replied while he hefted his luggage.

"It was horrible alright. How was your trip, Ryoga?"

"It was fine. I really didn't like the idea of leaving my training, but Ranma was a good friend of mine. I can't understand why he thought of me when picking an executor of his will."

"You were the only friend he had," Nabiki replies. "Are you ready to say a few nice words about Ranma? You're the executor so it was a good idea for you to give a speech during Ranma's memorial service."

"I'm ready. I wrote something down to say while I was on the train. Weren't you his friend too?" Ryoga asks.

"No. I was his agent. He got some good roles in some great movies. However, his huge ego and excessive womanizing made getting work for him difficult. Movie stars are very territorial and very jealous. It was his womanizing that got him in the end. Anyway, the memorial service will be in a few minutes so we better get cracking."

A few minutes later, Nabiki parks her expensive car in the driveway of a posh beachhouse near the sea. The domicile is not too far from where Ranma's death took place. "Here we are. That's strange."

"What's the matter?"

"There should be more cars parked here. I made certain everyone who knew him was informed of Ranma's funeral and where it was taking place. Ranma wasn't the most popular actor in the film industry, but surely there would be more people here than this," Nabiki says, surprised at there only being two other cars parked near the house.

"I see. There's nothing to do now but go inside," Ryoga says, getting the feel of the place.

"Go on ahead, I'll finish parking the car."

As soon as he enters the large home Ryoga sees a familiar face. "Sayuri! How have you been? Where's Daisuke, your husband?"

"He's busy at work. His company's doing so well right now," the woman says returning the bow.

"Ryoga? Hi. It's me, Yuka. Hiroshke couldn't make it. Business takes up so much of his time," she says in anticipation of Ryoga's question. "I didn't know Ranma that well. He was more of a friend of Hiroshke."

Then Nabiki walked in carrying a briefcase. "Where is everybody? Aren't there more people coming?"

"I don't think so, Nabiki. Sayuri and I have been waiting around for an hour. There's nobody else here except for the workers." There are a few flower arraignments in what was the living room of the home along with over a couple dozen chairs set up.

Nabiki goes to the phone and contacts her office. "Gina! Didn't you send out those invitations?"

"Yes, I sent them out," the other person on the line answers.

"Why isn't anybody here? Didn't you follow up by phone?" Nabiki stammers.

"I did," says the other person on the line.

"Oh. Well, how about the actors guild? They surely must have sent someone here."

"They didn't. Ranma was months behind on his dues," the other person on the line says.

"Oh," Nabiki answers with a downfallen face.

"I guess this is it," Ryoga says.

"It looks like it's one of those days when everybody is too busy doing something else. As much as I'd hate to rush you on something like this, I have a dinner meeting a little later."

"Alright, Nabiki." Ryoga takes his place, standing in front of everyone behind a podium. Taking a deep breath, he speaks. "Well, here we are. We friends of Ranma Saotome are gathered in his home while poor Ranma lies somewhere at the bottom of the sea. He might not have been happy about the small number of people here, but he would have been pleased to know that there were at least a few people who cared about him. Apart from myself, there's Nabiki Tendo, Ranma's agent. There's Sayuri the wife of Diasuke Tanaka, the owner of the studio where Ranma worked. Then there's Yuka, wife of Hiroshke Ohara, the guy who wrote the scripts in many of Ranma's movies. The dreadful manner in which Ranma died makes it difficult to say much more about the man. We all remember his thirst for life and his desire to be the best martial artist of all. There's not much else to say. Ranma was Ranma. At any rate, he's gone. He didn't go out with a whimper. He went out with a bang."

"That was pretty good, Ryoga," Nabiki says, getting up. "Here's all the paperwork for Ranma's estate. The only assets he had were this house which is heavily mortgaged and the car out back which has a huge loan on it." After removing the contents from her attache case, Nabiki grabs her coat and leaves. "This house should have everything you need. If there's anything else, you can call me. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Nabiki."

After Nabiki walks out the door, Sayuri walks over to Ryoga. "That was a nice eulogy. Er,uh."

"Yes?"

Sayuri looks away from Ryoga with some embarrassment. "I left a pink bikini swimsuit here some time ago. If you find it could you send it back to me?"

"Sure. No problem."

"Oh, goodie. Now it's time for me to get going. I have a woman's meeting in an hour and I don't want to be late."

"I understand. Goodbye, Sayuri," Ryoga says as he plumps himself down on the chair in front of all the paperwork Nabiki left him.

Then Yuka walks over to him. "I left a very expensive evening gown here some time ago. It's light blue. If you find it could you send it back to me? It's very expensive."

"Sure. I'll send it back to you when I find it."

During this time the workers begin to pick up the chairs and everything from the funeral. In a matter of minutes they finish clearing the room of the previously rented material. "That's it, bub. Sorry your friend passed away. Will there be anything else?"

"No. That will be all."

"Then we'll be taking our leave. Good night."

"Ah, yes. Thank you. Good night." Ryoga looks around the empty house, gets up and plops himself on the couch. "I could really use some sleep right now."

The former lost boy takes off his dress jacket, tie and shoes to make himself more comfortable. In a couple of minutes after laying down, Ryoga falls asleep.

"What's that?" Ryoga wakes up in the middle of the night to some excessive knocking. "Who's bothering me at this hour?" Ryoga gets up and opens the front door and sees nobody there. "What's going on here?" Then he goes back inside. "I can sense the presence of another person here. "

"Hello?"

Ryoga turns towards the patio where there's a beautiful, young woman standing there, staring off into space. She only wears a pair of men's shorts, revealing a bosomy, curvy physique that would make any head turn. The lass is fair skinned with red hair done up in a pigtail.

"The memorial service is over. Everyone has gone home," Ryoga says a little bit testy, opening the sliding glass door a little bit.

"I..."

"Who are you? And why are you naked? Aren't you cold?" Ryoga asks aghast, noticing the strange woman's state of undress.

"I don't know. Sorry about this."


	2. Chapter 2

Goodbye Ranma!

_It's been brought to my attention that I neglected to inform everyone that this is an alternate universe. Sorry about that. Don't forget the fact the main characters are in their twenties instead of being teenagers. Neither Ranma nor Ryoga has visited Jusenkyo. Ranma doesn't have the super human fighting ability he has in canon, but he's still one of the best martial artists in the world. Ryoga is also a great martial artist in his own right. Now on with the story._

"What are you doing here?" Ryoga asks, aghast at the state of his uninvited guest.

"I was drawn here," the girl stammers.

"The memorial's over so you can leave now."

"Huh?"

"You can go where you wish, but you can't stay here," Ryoga answered the girl's unspoken question.

"Here. Here," the woman says in a monotone.

"Here? Why are you here? Oh, I get it. You're a girlfriend of Ranma Saotome."

"Ran-ma Sao-to-me?"

"You can't stay here," Ryoga states since he doesn't want to deal with what he believes to be a nutcase. "There's a mental hospital nearby who will take you in."

"Can't I stay here? Please." The girl looks at Ryoga with puppy eyes, stopping him from finishing dialing the number to the sanitarium.

"Alright. This place is rather huge so there's plenty of room. But you have to leave in the morning," Ryoga orders. After setting her on a chair and putting a large blanket over her, Ryoga goes to the liquor cabinet and fixes himself a drink. "Ranma sure had a good stash of hooch." The strange girl looks up towards the liquor longingly. "Would you like a drink?"

The girl nods. Ryoga then fixes the girl a drink and hands it to her. To his surprise the redheaded girl gulps it down in one throw. "Mmm, mmm, good."

"You must have been really thirsty, miss.

"What was it?"

"Don't know much about liquor, but I think that was brandy," Ryoga answered. "You must have amnesia or something like that. What happened to you?"

"I don't know."

"You gotta remember something."

"The last thing I remember is coming out of the water. Then I saw this house. This place is familiar to me for some reason. It's like it called to me," the girl explained in a daze. "I felt like I'd be safe if I was here."

"Safe in Ranma Saotome's house?" Ryoga says incredulously.

"Ran-ma Sao-to-me?"

"You must know him. That's why you're here. Take a look around. See something familiar?" Ryoga helps the lass up who then looks around the place. She sees nothing familiar.

"Alright. I'm tired so let me direct you to the bedroom." Ryoga takes her by the hand. When they get to there, Ryoga sets her down on the bed. Then he grabs a pair of pajamas from one of the drawers and places it right by her.

"In the morning, you'll have to figure out what you're going to do."

"Thank you. What is your name?" the girl asks as she takes hold of the over sized pajamas.

"I'm Ryoga Hibiki."

"Ryo-ga Hi-bi-ki."

"My name isn't going to jog your memory. The guy to remember is Ranma Saotome. Martial artist extraordinaire. This is his home. Good night now." Ryoga begins to leave.

"No. Don't go and leave me alone," the girl pleads.

"I'll leave the door open while I'm in the living room sleeping on the sofa. That's the best I can do. Good night," Ryoga says finally.

"Good night."

Early in the morning, Ryoga awakes with a start. "Aaaaagh!"

"What was that?" Ryoga says, getting up.

"Aaaaagh!"

"It's that red headed girl!" Ryoga runs to the bedroom where the girl is wide awake and screaming loudly.

"Aaaagh!" the girl screams, sitting up from the bed.

"Calm down!" Ryoga admonishes, covering her mouth. As the girl nods her head, he lets her go.

"Aaaaaagh!"

"Shut up! What happened? Did you have a nightmare?"

The girl looks at Ryoga with a strong sense of recognition, her eyes wide open as she turns towards him. "Ryoga, don't you know who I am?"

"No, I don't. You don't know who you are either," Ryoga answers.

"Ryoga, it's me, Ranma Saotome."

Ryoga looks at the woman like she's crazy. "Whatever you say, lady. I'm going back to sleep. I'm tired."

"I'm Ranma Saotome!"

"Fine, madam. Now go back to sleep before I knock you out cold." Ryoga walks away from the bed and into the living room towards the comfortable couch which is still warm.

Ranma gets up wearing the pajamas Ryoga had loaned her earlier. "I don't get this anymore than you do, Ryoga." Ranma walks after Ryoga as he lays down on the couch, falling to sleep.

"We'll talk about it in the morning."

"Ryoga, I'm your best friend, Ranma Saotome!"

"Hmm," Ryoga mumbles as he begins to fall asleep.

"Ryoga, it's true. Happosai caught me making out with his wife and tossed a bunch of his firecracker balls at me. Then I went flying into the sea."

"That's nice."

Then Ranma pulls Ryoga up, facing her. "Listen to me! Your name is Ryoga Hibiki. You trained in your family's martial arts style. You used to have a problem getting lost, but you overcame it. You had a dog named checkers. Your house is a few miles south of Nerima. You sometimes carry around an umbrella you use as a weapon. You have a little sister with glasses and prominent canine teeth like yours."

"Look, lady. I don't know what your game is, but I'm tired and I want to go back to sleep," Ryoga mumbles.

"There was that girl named Mariko Konjo that we both were making time with while the other didn't know about it. We found out about each other when we bumped into each other when I was leaving and you were coming in."

"Who put you up to this?"

"A year ago you cashed a check for me. It bounced but I made it up to you. I made some money at pachinko so I gave you the money in chips, remember? Then we were sparring on that bridge where I knocked you into the water and fished you out, remember? Doesn't that prove I'm Ranma?"

"No. It just proves you knew Ranma and he told you these happenings," Ryoga says, still half asleep.

The girl gets up abruptly. "I am Ranma, you stubborn mule! How about that girl you dated who had that pig farm?"

"I get it now. Ranma promised to marry you, owes you money or something like that. Well, it's not going to happen since he's dead. Yawn! In the morning after a nice breakfast, it's time for you to leave," Ryoga says with a motion of his hands.

Then Ranma turns around and gives Ryoga a cold hard look, rolling up her sleeves and sitting on the table in front of him. "Alright, mate. I didn't want to have to hurt you, but you're not going to believe me unless I bring out the big guns."

"What are you talking about?"

"Six months ago, you were in Hokkaido with a page 3 model. She was Azusa Shiratori. She always liked things that were cute. You were in love with her. You were going to marry her. Then she gets a letter from some guy named Tadashii Morimoto because she had to take more pictures," Ranma explains with a sense of seriousness.

"That was a fake letter. She went to be with some chap in a hotel," Ryoga says, waking up a little.

"It was the Yamanashi Hotel. It was in a suite looking over the sunset by the sea."

Ryoga is now even more awake, giving Ranma a harsh look.

Ranma keeps on talking. "It was me, Ryoga. I was the guy. I'm sorry."

"That was you? You bastard! I should have known you'd do something like that!" the jilted lover says. Now he is totally awake

"She was no good, Ryoga!"

"And the womanizing Ranma Saotome was the one to prove it to me, right? You backstabbing..."

"You were getting too serious about her," Ranma states.

"You bloody..."

"I did it for you, Ryoga!"

"For me?" Ryoga gets up angry, shaking his fist at his former friend.

"I swear to you on my honor!"

"Ranma Saotome's honor? What a joke!"

"She would have hurt you, Ryoga!"

"I did get hurt! Blast you, Ranma. I loved her! I missed her luscious body, nice derrier, and perky chests. Ranmaaa! Because of you I saw hell!" Then the realization hits him. Ryoga's eyes go wide and he covers his mouth in shock.

"You know who I am now, don't you, Ryoga?" the girl says, looking the stunned man straight in the eyes without flinching. "Now you know why I woke up screaming. Why did this happen to me? What am I going to do, Ryoga? Ryoga? Ryoga?" Ranma quickly grabs the fainting young man, keeping him from falling on the floor.

"Then I found myself walking out of the ocean," Ranma explains to Ryoga who is still stunned over recent events after finally becoming conscious after his feinting."

"I know all about that. What I want to know about is how you transformed into what you are now. This is a hard thing to understand," the former lost boy interrupts.

"You think? Can you stop worrying about annoying details for once? Look at the big picture. Who or what did this to me and how long is it going to last? Will I have to remain a woman for the rest of my life?" Ranma complains as she paces to and fro through the kitchen. While this is happening, Ryoga looks on, sitting down and drinking tea.

"Come now, Ranma. Let's not go bonkers over this. There has to be a perfectly logical explanation for this."

"Like what?" Ranma yells.

"I don't know. Don't take this out on me, Ranma! This is all your fault, not mine! I oughtta leave you to your fate after everything you've done," Ryoga states, getting up from the breakfast table.

"Alright, Ryoga! I don't mean to be such a bitch but this isn't easy for me."

"It's obvious my help is unappreciated!" Ryoga answers, getting up.

"Don't leave me, Ryoga. Please! I feel trapped," Ranma pleads, walking over to him.

The bloke stops for a moment. "Alright, Ranma. No more outbursts. You need to stay calm."

"I'm calm. I'm calm," Ranma says, sitting down. "Now what?"

"We have to look at this logically," Ryoga says. "For some strange reason you've turned into a woman."

"If only it had been anything else like a cat, a panda, a duck or even a little piglet," Ranma says, waving his hands around in frustration. "Why did I have to be turned into a girl? Why would I have to turn into a girl? Why? Why? Why?"

"Come on now, Ranma. Is there a reason you need to slam the female gender? Besides, I thought you liked girls. That was your biggest weakness, wasn't it, mate?"

"Let me tell you something about women, Ryoga," Ranma says, getting up from his chair and pointing at his friend with a cunning smile. "They're scandalous and daft! They may seem cute and cuddly, but they're really dangerous and deadly."

Ryoga looks at Ranma with a look of surprise on his face. "Well..."

Ranma interrupts and continues her tirade. "They can have as many lovers as they want. But if you so much as look at another girl, pow right in the kisser. Women lie like rugs. They lie to you, me, their sweethearts and even their husbands. I know I've treated girls rather rottenly, but everything I did was in self defense."

While sitting down at the breakfast table, a light comes to Ryoga's eyes. "I get it now, Ranma."

"What do you get? What are you talking about, Ryoga?"

"It's called karma, Ranma. It's payback. All of your life you've been taking advantage of sweet, young, innocent girls." Ryoga stands up to make his point further.

"What? Weren't you listening, Ryoga. Women are far from innocent!"

"You were no where near innocent yourself, Ranma. You preyed around women like a wolf," Ryoga replies. Ranma then takes a strike at him. Fast as the punch was, it bounces harmlessly off Ryoga's chest. Ryoga then continues like nothing happened. "Instead of being the bow and arrow, you're now the bullseye." Ryoga stares off into space while Ranma fumes openly.

"That's horrid! Instead of being the wolf, I'm Little Red Riding Hood." Ranma sits down for a moment. Then she regards her left fist. "Wait a minute, Ryoga. Didn't I just nail you with a left hook?"

"Huh? Oh, yes. Don't worry about it, Ranma."

"That was my best punch! I've taken out bengal tigers with that punch." Then Ranma takes a good look at her smaller yet muscular-for-a-female arm in dismay. "I can't stand it! I know I haven't treated women that well, but I haven't done anything so bad as to deserve this! Not this!" Ranma then stands up and throws her hands in the air, knocking her chair to the ground.

"Calm down, Ranma," Ryoga says, picking up the chair and placing the redhead back into her seat.

"Alright. Alright. I'm calmed down now."

"We'll think of something," Ryoga replies. "I'll go get you a drink."

"Yeah, sure. Get me something strong this time like that rice saki."

While Ranma relaxes herself, Ryoga goes to the liquor cabinet. "I don't see any here. You must be out of it."

"Try behind the bookcase!" Ranma yells to him.

As Ryoga looks behind the books there, he still can't find the soothing liqour. "Which book did you put it behind? I don't see it anywhere."

"Behind Kurosawa's Dreams! Where else would it be?" Ranma replies.

"Here it is. Why did you feel the need to hide it?" Ryoga asks as he grabs the bottle and pours Ranma and himself a cup each.

"I hid it from the maid. Sometimes she likes to rip off my best hooch," Ranma says as she takes the drink from Ryoga.

"Now there's a doctor in Nerima. His name is Doctor Tofu. My friends tell me he's a miracle worker."

"Okay, Ryoga. I'll try anything." Ranma takes a good look the man in the room with her. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Ryoga. You're my best and only friend."

"That's okay, mate. That's what friends are for."

"What happened after my assumed death? Ranma asks, noticing the bouquets of flowers. "Was there some kind of funeral here?"

"Actually it was a memorial service. I said a few words about how good of a bloke you were," Ryoga replies.

"Thanks, chum. A memorial service. Ranma Saotome is finished, left hook and all," Ranma says soberly as she sits down and motions to her weaker female body.

"Look at the bright side of all this, Ranma," Ryoga says, trying to cheer his old friend up.

"Bright side?"

"Being a girl isn't the end of the world. Besides, now the government can't bust you for all the taxes owe."

"Yes. That's right," Ranma answers, perking up a little.

"What we need to do now is get you some clothes. You can't run around in pajamas all day," Ryoga states with a smile. "I'll also have to get some underwear for you."

"Oh, I see."

"You're probably a size..."

"How would you know what size I am without taking a good look at me?" Ranma casually takes off her pajama top. Then she undoes her pigtail, letting her hair come down her shoulders. Then she clasps her hands behind her neck. "There. Now you can better determine what size I am. And make sure the brazier you get me isn't too small, alright? I don't want to be uncomfortable. Ryoga?"

"Put your clothes back on!" Ryoga orders with a deep blush, covering up his bleeding nose.

"Got my size already?" Ranma asks, giving her friend a look of curiosity.

"Yes, I got it, Ranma! I'll be right back with some clothes for you to wear!" Ryoga then left in a huff.

"Alright, Ryoga!" Ranma yelled after his departing form. "I'll be done with my shower by the time you get back!"


	3. Chapter 3

Goodbye Ranma!

Ranma takes her shower slowly, turning it into a sensual experience while soaping up and rinsing off each contour of her body. After she finishes bathing herself, she steps out of the shower and takes a deep breathe. Taking hold of the nearby towel, she pats herself down gently to dry off.

She notices her reflection in the full length mirror she had set up before her supposed death and admires the view. "Crikey, I look good! I honestly don't think there was ever a woman I've shagged that looked as good as I do now. This thick, long hair is so alluring. And the curves I got. These jugs are to die for! And my ass!" Ranma thinks, wiggling her backside for emphasis while looking over her shoulder. "I never imagined any female could have a body like this. I'm hard, soft, and firm at the same time in all the right places. No wonder Ryoga went barmy when he saw me pull off me top. Maybe I don't even need a bra the way my twin peaks defy gravity."

Then Ranma's revelry stops. "I'm back, Ranma!" Ryoga yells, announcing his presence and stopping Ranma's revelry upon his return.

"I'm right in the bathroom, Ryoga!" Ranma replies. After putting on a bathrobe and taking hold of a comb with which she straightens out her hair, Ranma walks into the bedroom.

"Here's the stuff I brought. Oh!"

"Hmm? What's wrong, luv?" Unbeknownst to Ranma, her breasts are peeking out of the tight bathrobe much to Ryoga's embarrassed dismay. Then Ranma figures it out. "Oh!" she says with a blush, closing up her robe.

"Hope these clothes fit you alright," Ryoga replies, covering his nose.

"I'm sure they'll be fine, Ryoga. You've been such a dear. Thanks so much, luv." Ranma picks up the offered clothing, turns around, walks back into the bathroom with a switch and promptly closes the door.

"What's wrong with me? I can't get Ranma's body out of my mind. But he's a guy! Am I turning into a puff? Just having looked at Ranma has excited me to the point I feel like a could use a fag right now, and I don't even smoke," the former lost boy thinks to himself.

"I'm done!" Ranma announces as she comes out of the bathroom. This breaks Ryoga's train of thought. He looks up at the well dressed young woman in awe.

"Crikey! You look great, Ranma! Everything fit alright?"

"Everything fits just fine, Ryoga. Even the bra feels comfortable. Good thing you got a good look at my assets or these clothes might not have fit." Ranma looks up at Ryoga who stares at her without blinking. Ranma has on an indigo, one piece dress that shows off much of her thighs along with a purple belt that's white in the middle. Despite what Ranma says, the dress is a little tight on top. However, the outfit matches her shoes and makes her look smashing. After walking around like a runway model, she walks out of the bedroom into the living room, calmly sitting down on the sofa, crossing her legs.

Ryoga follows after her. "Now that we've gotten that settled. I need to show you the ghastly state of your finances."

"Alright. I feel so relaxed. Oh, yes," Ranma moaned, slowly rocking her head back and shaking her hair even more loose than from when she had untied her pigtail. "For some reason, I feel the need to paint my finger nails and put on lipstick."

"What? Right now we have to get to the meat of your problems, your bloody finances!"

"Take it easy, Ryoga. Hmmm. I feel so feminine and pretty." Then Ranma sings, "I feel pretty. I'm so pretty. There's no one as pretty as me!"

"Are you okay?" Ryoga asks with nervous concern.

"Oh, I'm just dandy," Ranma answers with a smile. "I felt so good when I put on this sweet outfit. I felt even better from before I put it on. Are you okay, Ryoga? You seem nervous, old chap."

"I'm alright. We have to get cracking on your financial situation though."

"Hey, Ryoga. Do you think I'm cute?" Ranma asks, getting up and regarding herself in the full length mirror in the living room, bending forward a little bit. "Be honest with me now."

"You're extremely cute. You put page 3's to shame. That answer your question?" Ryoga says with a sense of nervousness. "Now let's get back to the business at hand."

"Business, business, business. Is that all you can talk about?" Ranma answers with a slightly more husky voice while admiring herself in the mirror. "No wonder so many women in Japan are frustrated."

"You're broke, Ranma!" Ryoga screams, breaking Ranma's train of thought. "You're not only broke, you're bankrupt." Ryoga showcases all the paperwork for emphasis. "You need money and need it badly, mate!"

"You shouldn't be worrying so much about money, Ryoga," Ranma says sweetly, sitting back down again and draping herself on the sofa.

"Will you come off it, Ranma? You're in over your head in debt."

"Ranma Saotome was. Poor Ranma."

"What are you talking about, Ranma?"

"My name is Ranko, Ryoga," the girl says with a sly look. "I feel so sure of myself. There's a sucker born every minute. You've heard that saying, haven't you?"

"Are you planning to use your new looks to do scams? That's rotten, Ranma!"

"The name's Ranko. And I didn't ask for this. Since I'm here this way, I'm going to make the best of what I thought was a bad situation."

"That's not right, Ranma." Ryoga gets up and walks over to the radiant, young woman and trips over himself in his nervousness. As he falls he puts his hands out to stop the fall, falling on top of the girl.

"Alright, Ryoga," Ranko giggles. "Uncle, already!"

"What's so funny?"

"You're tickling me, Ryoga! Stop!" Ranko laughs helplessly.

"What's wrong with..." Then Ryoga realizes where his hands are. "Crikey! I'm so sorry, Ranma!" Ryoga apologizes, frantically removing his hands from the supple set.

"Whew! I had no idea women were so bloody ticklish up here."

"Um..." Ryoga fidgets.

"I forgive you, Ryoga. But if you're going to cop a feel on my chest like that at least say please first," Ranko says with a cute pout, her large bustline, straining against the buttons of her blouse while breathing in and out. "And the name's Ranko now. How am I supposed to live anyway?"

Ryoga stares at his best friend for a moment. "They felt so soft yet so firm at the same time!" With the force of will power Ryoga stops this train of thought and regains his composure. "You're a martial artist, aren't you? A woman with your skills can easily get into some good movies," Ryoga answers as he sits next to her.

"Thanks, Ryoga," Ranko replies, sitting back with her hands clasped behind her head, her large bosom straining against the buttons of her dress. "You're being so helpful."

"Anytime." Before Ryoga can say another word, there's a knock at the door. "I'll go see who it is and get rid of him quickly." But as Ryoga gets up Ranko stealthily follows after him.

"Yes?"

"My mate and I have been looking for a lass who was walking around the beach half naked," the copper says with his partner behind him.

"She had red hair and huge knockers!" the other copper says with his tongue almost hanging out. "There she is!"

"Hello, officers. Did I cause that much of a stir?" Ranko asks in a demure fashion, shifting to the left and the right.

"We just wondered what had happened to you, miss..."

"I'm Mrs. Ranma Saotome. My husband has passed away, so I'm a widow. I'm sorry I caused so much trouble. I was in such a sorry state, you see. I'm better now though."

"I see," the cop answers, staring Ranko up and down. "Alright. Now that that's been settled, we'll be taking our leave now. Come on, Phil."

"I want to see if she comes out of that dress. Just looking at her was worth getting up this morning," the other cop says, till staring down Ranko's bosom.

"We have other things to do. Now move it!" the older cop orders, dragging his partner off.

"What was that all about, Ranma?"

"I wanted to show off my assets. See what my moneymaker is capable of," the girl answers with a smile.

"Will you button your dress up? I don't think it's such a good idea to..."

Then Ranko notices the clock. "Oh! I need to get my hair and fingernails done along with buying new duds. Where are the keys to the car? And where's that credit card?"

"Now, Ranma..."

"That's Ranko. Oh, here are the keys. Where's that credit card?"

"How could you be thinking about a credit card at a time like this?" Ryoga asks incredulously.

"I need a makeover. I look a mess."

Ryoga relents and hands a credit card to her. "There's only so much on this..."

"Thanks, Ryoga. You're a peach. I'll be back later."

Later at the large, rich lady's beauty salon, Ranko walks inside towards the receptionist. "May I help you?"

"Yes. I want the total package," Ranko replies.

"The total package?"

"Yes."

"And what is your name, miss?"

"Mrs. Ranma Saotome." While the receptionist does the paper work, Ranko takes a gander at the appointment log. "So, Sayuri Tanaka is here."

"She's not here now, but she'll be here later. Do you know her?"

"I know her, but she doesn't know me. Will you please tell her I'm here when she arrives?" Ranko asks nicely.

"Yes, I will." Then the receptionist gets up from the desk. "This way, Ma'am."

Ranko follows the lady who informs one of the workers there to set up an area for her. When the receptionist arrives at the open area, she gestures for Ranko to set herself down. After opening and closing some drapes and making sure the couch and everything there for Ranko's makeover is in order, she turns to the redhead. "If you'll put on this smock, I'll have someone attend to your needs right away, Mrs. Saotome."

"Thanks a lot. You've been swell." Ranko watches the backside of the woman leave. "There was a time when I would have gone batty over that woman, but it's just not the same right now. I've changed so much."

Over an hour later, the receptionist arrives at Sayuri's suite where a young man is doing her hair. "Mrs. Tanaka, do you know a Mrs. Ranma Saotome?"

"Mrs. Saotome? There's no one by that name," Sayuri answers.

"There's a lady in room 205 who says she's Mrs. Ranma Saotome and that she knows you," the receptionist explains.

"That can't be true. Are you certain?"

"Yes."

"Oh, no!" Sayuri gets up and runs to where her friend is getting her nails done.

"What's gotten you all riled up, luv?" Yuka asks, looking up from having her toenails polished.

"It's Ranma Saotome!"

"He's dead, luv. Forget about it."

"But his wife is alive!"

"A wife of his own?"

"Yes!" Sayuri says excitedly.

"Oh, I see," Yuka responds nervously. "Why did you need to tell me this right now?"

"His wife is here, right now in room 205!"

In seconds, both women run to where Ranko was being worked on. "Hello, ladies. Nice to meet you. Come on in. Which one of you is Sayuri, and which one of you is Yuka?"

"I'm Sayuri Tanaka and this is Yuka Seiko."

"Oh, yes. My husband, Ranma talked about you two alot."

"I had no idea Ranma had a wife, Were you truly married to Ranma?" Yuka says a little nervously.

"Yes. You seem surprised," Ranko replies as beauty technicians work on her hair.

"Ranma never said anything about having a wife," Yuka replies.

"He thought it would be best for his career if nobody knew about me. That way the girls could more easily imagine themselves being with him. Ranma always thought of himself as a huge sex bomb."

"That sounds like Ranma alright."

"I hate to talk ill about my husband, but he wasn't always faithful to me," Ranko says with a sense of calm before the storm. "You understand how men can be. He always told me about his conquests. It made me upset, but at least he always came back home to me."

"H-he told you about the women he had been with?" Sayuri asks with a sense of dread.

"He had the biggest ego, bragging and bragging about all the great things he'd done. I miss him though."

"I can imagine."

"I bet you can," Ranko responds a little coldly. "Now look. Why don't we have lunch together later?"

"I really don't have time to..."

"I have a meeting at..."

"It's not healthy to skip lunch, this lunch especially," Ranko says, giving the two women a slight glare. "How about the nearby Ryokan at twelve?"

"Er. I'd love to."

"Me too."

"Good. We'll see you there." Ranko watches with a wicked smile on her face as the ladies walk off rather nervously.

Back at home, Ryoga is going over more of Ranma paperwork and talking to one of his creditors on the phone. "Yes, I know Ranma owed you a lot of dough, but there's nothing anyone can do about it."

Then Ryoga notices the news on the telly. "The latest developments on bigtime movie producer, Happosai Sokko are as such. In court earlier today, his lawyers have gotten Sokko out on 200,000 yen bail. Happosai Sokko is accused of murdering martial arts movie actor Ranma Saotome who was a guest on his yacht at the time of the alleged murder. A date hasn't been set for the trial as of yet," the reporter on the telly announces.

"He's out! I don't believe it!" Ryoga exclaims, putting the phone down while his jaw drops to the ground.


	4. Chapter 4

Goodbye Ranma!

Ranko spots Sayuri and Yuka from her table at the Ryokan restaurant and calls out to them. "Hey, ladies! Over here!" Noticing the redhead, the two women calmly walk over to her. "Both of you have a seat, one on each side of me."

"You're not wearing a wedding ring," Sayuri says, noticing the missing trinket.

"Since I'm a widow, there's no point in cramping my style. Might sound a little cruel while poor old Ranma lies at the bottom of the sea, sleeping with the fishes, but life goes on. Besides, it's not like Ranma was faithful to me, hmm?" Ranko says, giving each of the women sitting on either side of her a sharp look.

"Shall we order now?" Sayuri says with a sense of frightened nervousness.

Ranko talks onward. "I had a real good reason for wanting to talk to you ladies," Ranko explains.

"Alright, so why are we here?" Yuka says a little testily.

"I won't bore you with the details, but Ranma left me practically broke. I might be able to get into modeling work as a page 3 model or even the movies. I'm sure you girls would like to help me, or maybe even your husbands," Ranko said, making the other two women uncomfortable. "I'd love to get far away from all the bad memories."

"Oh! You must let me help you." Yuka says in reply.

"Yes. I'd love to help you too," Sayuri parrots.

"I knew Ranma's friends would be my friends too!" Ranko exclaims happily.

"You'd probably want to live out in the country side. You would only need a one way ticket. Flying away coach would be nice," Yuka comments soberly.

"You'd want to live quitely," Sayuri says.

"Well, for Ranma's sake, I'd have to keep up appearances. I could get along on with, let's say one million yen. That would be 500,000 from each of you," Ranma says with a smile.

"A million yen?" Yuka almost screams. "I want to see you go but not that badly!"

"That's true, luv," Sayuri replies.

"Then how about giving me some advice?" Ranma asks sweetly.

"Oh, sure!"

"I'll have to fall back on making money off of Ranma's diary."

"He kept a diary?" Yuka asks with a shiver.

"Yes. Day by day. Everything he did including his sexual conquests is written in his diary. It can make me a serious load of lettuce as a made for tv movie. We could call it Goodnight at the Ginza or the Adventures of the Banzai Bachelor," Ranko explains.

"No way!" Sayuri says with a sense of dread.

"Way," Ranko answers. "And with all the publicity going on right now with my husband's murderer going on trial it will definitely bring in a high price. Who would be the best agents for a deal like this? Hey, maybe your husbands would know."

Both women stared crestfallen into space.

"There are two events that stand out. One was where Ranma had a wild and crazy sex night in Hokkaido." Yuka begins to sweat bullets at the mention of this. "Then there was the time Ranma boinked this blouse inside of a Buddhist temple." Sayuri begins to have a hard time breathing. "Ranma had no shame to his game. Neither did either of these women."

"You know what? Since you were Ranma's wife, we should help you," Yuka says with a sweet, begging for mercy smile.

"Yes, that's right." With quick motion both women reach into their purses and begin to write checks.

* * *

"I'm home!" Ranko calls out as she enters the home. When she doesn't hear a reply, Ranko walks further into the house, carrying all the things she bought home with her. "Ryoga?"

"In here, Ranko!"

Ranko puts her stuff down and walks into the study where Ryoga is on the phone. "Hi, Ryoga."

The former lost boy puts his hand up and motions for her to sit down. "I don't think I'll be able to make it to your party, Mr. Sokko."

"Call me Happi, my boy. Everybody else does. It will be a great bash, so I hope you'll do us the honor of showing up."

"You hear that, Ranma? Happi has the nerve to invite me to his coming out of prison party," Ryoga says, rolling his eyes.

"Wait! I want to be there!" Ranko says hotly.

Then Ryoga puts his hand on the speaking end of the receiver. "Are you daft, Ranma? This is the bloke that smoked you."

"The past is the past. Besides, I want to mingle with everyone; let them see the new me," Ranko answers with a shake of her bum while twirling around in her new clothes.

"No."

"Let me have that phone!" Ranko orders, trying to take the receiver from Ryoga's ironclad grip and failing in the attempt despite her best efforts.

"Take it easy, Ranma!" Ryoga talks on the phone again. "I don't know whether or not I can make it."

"Who was that blouse you were arguing with, Ryoga? You sly player! Bring her along if you like. The party starts at 6:00 tonight." Before Ryoga could say anything else, the line goes dead.

"Ranmaa!"

"Come on, Ryoga. I just bought all these new clothes and have no where to go. Why can't we go to this party. Pretty please!"

"Alright already! You and Happosai at his party to celebrate his release for murdering you?Are you barmy, Ranma?"

"That's Ranko! And I'm perfectly well. Can't wait to have fun at that party! I'm going to go upstairs to primp."

* * *

Happi, baby!" one of the party goers yells up to Happosai while he walks down the stairs of his mansion, greeting everyone with smiles and waves. The old man happily greets the dozens of people there including Nabiki who is dressed sharply in a business dress.

"You must have some really good lawyers, Happi. I'm impressed you're out of jail so soon," Nabiki says.

"Hey, Nabichan. I can still see you have a great rack under all those clothes. Hee hee!" the old bloke says with glee while looking down Nabiki's shirt.

"I don't know what you're looking at. I'm altogether covered up," the woman answers.

"Oh, yeah?" As if by magic, Nabiki's bra appears in Happosai's hands, causing the young woman to blush as she puts her arms over her chest.

"Happi! Give it back! What did I do to you to make you embarrass me this way?"

Happosai wilts a little under Nabiki's cold stare but only a little. He still can't take his eyes off her large rack. "Tell you what, Toots. I'll give you first crack at investing in my next movie. I was in prison without seeing a woman for so long that I couldn't help myself when I saw your hot to trot body."

"You'll give me ten shares for the price of one!" the woman demands despite her embarrassment.

"What?" While Happosai stands there in shock, Nabiki takes her bra back.

"You heard me, Happi. Or would you like everyone to know..."

"Alright! Why can't an old man have a little fun?" After hastily getting away from the blackmailing woman, Happosai greets more of his guests.

"How long were you in prison, Happi?" one of the older guests asks.

"For all of 30 minutes," Seiko, Happosai's wife answers.

"Seiko, my dear."

"Sir, the champagne is ready to be served," the head butler says to the old man.

"Oh, yes! But of course! Enjoy my hospitality, everyone! We also have good food, wine, women, and song, not necessarily in that order," the old man says with a smile and a wink.

Then Happosai walks up to a very hot, sexy young woman wearing a silver nightgown, flattering her figure. "Haven't I seen you before, sweety?"

"Oh, I don't know. Did you see Outrage by Takeshi Kitano? I played one of the geisha girls in the nightclub scene," the lass says in a demure fashion.

"Ah, yes. You were the best looking of the lot. You stood out, sweety," Happosai says, trying to contain himself.

"Good evening, Ryoga," the head butler says to the former lost boy accompanied by Ranko.

"Evening, Tadashi. Where is Sokko-san?"

"He's right over there," the butler says, pointing to a man talking to a movie starlet.

"This is Ranko Saotome, Ranma's wife," Ryoga says in introduction.

"Hi. Where's the little girl's room? I need to powder my nose," Ranko says to the butler.

"The powder room is at the top of the stairs, maam."

As Ranko walked up the stairs, Ryoga stopped her for a moment. "Don't start any trouble."

"I'll be a good little girl, Ryoga," Ranko answers sweetly. "I won't be too long." She leaves without making any noise, her silent footsteps going up the stairs.

"Hello, Sayuri," Ryoga hails to a woman wearing a yellow even gown.

"Ryoga. Hello. Nice to see you. There's someone I need to meet," Sayuri answers with haste, running along.

Then Ryoga notices someone else. "Hello, Yuka. Nice to see you."

"Hello, Ryoga. Nice seeing you too," Yuka answers, running off in a hurry.

"Why are those two acting so strangely?" Ryoga thinks to himself. The former lost boy notices Yuka and Sayuri talking to Seiko, Happi's wife. Then Ryoga turns towards Happosai, finishing his game on the movie starlet.

"Wait for me in the garden, my sweet, and I shall show you a thing or two," Happi says to the young starlet, smacking her on her bum as she scampers off.

"Oh, there's Happosai now. Hello, Happi," Ryoga hails, walking over to the life of the party. "Still can't keep your hands off the bon bons, eh?"

"Ryoga, old top! It's great to see you." The old man gives Ryoga a hug. "Thank you for coming to my party. I thought... Well, you were Ranma's best friend after all."

"That's true, but that doesn't mean we have to be enemies. I don't know if you can get away with what you've done or not, but the past is the past." "I'll just humor this guy for now," Ryoga thinks to himself while putting on airs for the host.

"Ah. I see," Happi replies, relaxing on a nearby sofa. "I've been making films for decades, but ever since I blew Ranma out of the water, the dames have been throwing themselves at me. It's strange that a man with my obvious good looks and skills would have to do something like that in order to get noticed by the fairer sex."

"Well. I remember when crime didn't pay," Ryoga says under his breath.

"By the way, Ryoga. Did you bring that piece of ass you were enjoying at Ranma's house with you?"

"Yes." At this point, Ranko walks down the stairs and removes her coat, handling it to the butler. Taking hold of her purse, she walks over to them with a switch of her derrier.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to this vision of loveliness, Ryoga?" the old man says with a leer, noticing Ranko's semi-exposed bustline in her glimmering platinum evening gown.

"This is Ranko Saotome, Ranma's widow," Ryoga explains. "This is..."

"Happosai Sokko at your service." The old man takes hold of Ranko's hand and kisses it in a gentleman like manner. Then Happi's eyes go wide. "Ranma's widow? You were married to Ranma?"

"Yes," Ranko answers demurely.

"If I could undo what I have done by bringing Ranma back... I wouldn't." Then Happi motions over his shoulder to Ryoga. "Why don't you go practice some martial arts somewhere, Ryoga? I'll handle things here."

"This guy is so full of it," Ryoga thinks to himself. He doesn't move from his spot.

"Your beauty is like the sunset itself," Happi says soothingly. "You're like a soft, fragrant wind coming from the sea." As Happosai goes on and on, he looks over his shoulder and notices Ryoga regarding him shrewdly. "Why are you still here?"

"I'm like an unmovable mountain and a river going nowhere," Ryoga answers, speaking like Happosai was and staring off into space with a look of sarcasm.

"Are you trying to get into me knickers?" Ranko asks, regarding the old man with a strange look.

"Well. Yes. We can talk about all that later. After the party is over, we can have a little party of our own."

"What? It's because of you, I'm a widow."

"Oh, big deal!"

"That's Happosai for you," Ryoga says, nursing his drink. "Doesn't care about anyone but himself."

"Don't you feel the least bit of remorse for what you've done?" Ranko asks, looking into the eyes of her killer. "Not the slightest bit of guilt?"

"No. Not really," the old man answered.

"You destroyed the brilliant career of a rising martial arts star," Ranko answers defiantly.

"I hate to break it to you, love. Ranma wasn't that great of an actor. He wasn't that much of a martial artist either. Now let's you and me..."

All of a sudden Ranko hauls off and slaps Happosai in the face. "That's for killing my husband, you creep!"

Happi stands there aghasp! No one ever treats him in such a manner. Even the police talk to him, they do it with more respect. "You have some fight in you. I like that. I'll be seeing you later, sweetcheeks," the old man says, walking off and favoring Ranma with another look over his shoulder.

"Can we go now?" Ryoga says, walking over to Ranko.

"Oh, not yet. I'm hungry and there's still some other people here I'd like to meet. Look who's coming now." Happi's wife, Seiko walks over to them, giving Ranko a harsh glare.


	5. Chapter 5

Goodbye Ranma!

Ranko and Seiko Sokko, Happosai's wife, are having a chat and sitting at a table in the large, spacious living room of Happosai's mansion with Ryoga pacing back and forth nervously. He takes a firmer hold of his drink, remembering how Ranko as Ranma had had an affair with the married woman.

Hello, Seiko," Ranma calls out to the older woman.

Seiko Sokko walks over to Ryoga and Ranko with a sense class and grace that rival a duchess. Her light blue evening gown is exquisite, flattering her slender, figure. Her shoes are top of the line, putting even Cinderella to shame.

"Hello, luv. It's Ranko, isn't it?" the elegantly dressed woman answers coldly.

"Yes, that's me."

"They say you were married to Ranma at one time."

"That's right," Ranko says with a charming smile.

"You talk as if you know me."

"Er. Everyone knows the wife of the famous Happosai Sokko. Besides, I make it a point of knowing as many high rollers as I can," Ranko answers, staying fast on her feet.

"Enjoying the party, you two?" Seiko gives Ranko an especially cold look.

"The party is simply grand!" Ranko answers. "What's bugging Seiko?"

Seiko sits down and interrogates Ranko. "How did you meet Ranma?"

"I met him at a carnival. I was working at a stuffed animal stand when I had to climb up a ladder to get something. I looked down and saw Ranma looking up my dress."

"Sakura and Yuka told me you met Ranma at a movie theater," Seiko interjects coldly.

"That was later. I went to a movie while Ranma trailed after me."

Ryoga turns towards Ranma abruptly and speaks up. "You never told me you met Sakura and Yuka!"

"We had lunch together at the Ryokan restaurant. Such lovely ladies. Where was I?"

"Lunching with Sayuri and Yuka," Seiko answers harshly. "Tell us more about that, luv."

"Well, you know. It was just girl talk," Ranko replies a little nervously, getting up and walking towards Ryoga. "They're playing some wonderful music. Let's dance, Ryoga."

But Seiko comes between the two and violently turns towards Ranko. "You bloody swindler! No wonder Ranma never told anyone about being married to you. He was probably too embarrassed to mention you."

"What?"

"Everyone knows Ranma wasn't the best bloke when it came to honor, but he was a saint compared to you. You got your bloody money. Now get out of town quickly!" Seiko yells.

"Money? What money? What are you talking about?" Ryoga asks. His face has a look of shock to it.

"Don't listen to her. She couldn't get anywhere with Ranma so she's taking out on me," Ranko explains.

"This little tart blackmailed quite a few pounds out of Sayuri and Yuka earlier today by threatening to publish Ranma's diary," Seiko says with a sneer.

Ranko looks sideways with an embarrassed look on her face.

"Get rid of her, Ryoga! She's no good!" Seiko then leaves them in a huff, Ryoga regarding Ranko shrewdly.

"My friend, Ranma, the martial arts action star," Ryoga says sarcastically.

"I had to do something to get money. You said so yourself," Ranko defends herself.

"Had no idea what you'd do to get it."

"Oh, come off it! Those two biddies had plenty of money to burn. Neither of them would miss any of it. Besides, after everything that has happened to me, I'm owed something. Didn't I get blown up to kingdom come? And the way Seiko chewed me out. I thought she was my friend."

"You don't have any friends, Ranko. All you have are suckers and victims. And I was the biggest piker of them all!" Ryoga replies with a shrewd look on his face, raising his voice and scaring some of the people in the room away.

"What do you mean?"

"I'll tell you what I mean. I quit! You're on your own, luv. I'm leaving you!"

"What do you think this is out here, a boy scout troop? This is a dog eat dog world. I did what I had to do."

"Whatever, Ranko. But there's one more thing you should know. During your memorial service there weren't 50 people, there were only four. Your agent, the two women you just chiseled, and me. The next memorial service you have will be able to fit in a shoe box. I'm out of here. Good bye, Ranma!" Ryoga storms out in a rage as Ranko looks on, a little frightened at the concept of being alone.

Ranko parks her car in the driveway of the house, noticing a taxicab there. "Are you here for Mr. Hibiki?"

"Yes," the cabbie answers. "I drove him 'ere and I'm going to take 'im to the airport, I aml."

Ranko's face turns white. Running inside, she searches the house only to find Ryoga packing his things into a suitcase in the main bedroom.

"Hello, Ryoga. How about a nightcap?"

Ryoga turns back towards Ranko and answers, "no." He goes back to packing.

"These silly parties. You were right, Ryoga. We should have stayed home," Ranko says as she stands in the doorway.

"I dunna know. A bloke can learn a lot at some parties," Ryoga answers.

"Are you really leaving me, Ryoga?"

"That's right, luv." Ryoga continues to pack.

"Got a match?"

In answer, Ryoga points to a small table near the bed. Ranko takes the two cheques she got from Yuka and Sayuri and uses the match to set them on fire. "Look, Ryoga. See? All gone."

Ryoga turns to see Ranko burning up the cheques. Then he goes back to packing.

"Ryoga!" Ranko pleads. "How much more sorry can I be?"

"You don't need me here, Ranma."

"I do need you. Will you give me a break? I was a player for years. Then I turn into this," Ranko explains, gesturing to herself. "This is all new to me. I don't know how to handle all this. I was in a compromised situation and acted like I normally do. I was wrong. I admit it."

Ryoga turns back towards Ranko for a moment, stopping his packing. "Sure, Ranma. Guess it was only natural."

"Ryoga, if you leave I don't know what I'll do," the redhead says with a sense of desperation.

"You'll think of something, Ranma." Ryoga goes back to packing his things while the girl pouts.

"I'm not Ranma, I'm Ranko! It's like I've been cursed or something. I'm scared, Ryoga, frightened out of my wits! At least with you here, I feel a little safer."

Ryoga pauses for a moment, regarding the nearly sobbing young lass.

"Without you here I'll fall apart!" Ranko then falls to the bed and begins to cry uninhibitedly.

Despite himself, Ryoga goes to Ranko, lies down on the bed with her, and puts his arms around her. "There, there, luv. It's going to be alright."

"I'm crying like such a baby right now," Ranko sobs openly. "I so hate it when girls cry!"

"It's going to be OK," Ryoga soothes, comforting the young lass while gently caressing her back. Without consciously meaning to, his caresses cause Ranko's dress to come downward. "You just get all of it out of your system, luv."

"I'll be a good girl from now on, I promise." Ranko continues to cry.

"I'm sure you will." As he calms her down, Ryoga finds himself caressing her milky white shoulders and going downwards.

"I won't do anything bad from now on. I'll get job or something."

"Don't cry now. I'm still here." Ryoga is laying right behind her, caresses her shoulders, working his way down to her hips as her gown goes further down practically baring her boobs.

While still in a state, Ranko turns to Ryoga. "Thanks, luv. You're being such a peach." At this point, Ranko is lying down with Ryoga almost on top of her, looking over her, still not quite noticing her undressed state.

"Shhh. It's alright." Then Ryoga grabs a hand tissue and begins to dry Ranko's tears. Then he favors the young lass with a smile. Returning the smile, Ranko puts her arms

around him whilst Ryoga does the same, rubbing up against him. But before their lips come together, Ryoga's eyes open wide and he quickly gets up from the bed.

"What's the matter?" Ranko asks, calming down a little.

"What's the matter? We were practically making out!"

"Yes, it felt rather nice."

"Nice? You and me?"

"I felt so secure and wanted," Ranko answers with a smile.

"Wanted?" Ryoga has a ghastly look on his face.

Then he quickly gets his hat and coat.

"I can't help it if I'm acting feminine," Ranko responds as she dries off her tears. "As a woman I need tender love and affection. What's wrong with you, Ryoga? You've always had a thing for helpless girls. Well, here I am."

But Ryoga continues to grab some of his things. "No, Ryoga. You promised!"

Ryoga gently breaks Ranko's grip on his wrist and says, "I promised I wouldn't leave you, but I can't stay here, luv."

"Why not?"

"Are you barmy? Look at what almost happened here." Then Ryoga notices Ranma's toplessness. "Crikey! Put something on! You're naked!"

"Hmm?" Ranko looks downward, noticed her cleavage coming out of her gown. "Oh, get off it, Ryoga. You've seen naked women before, haven't you? Oh, wait you haven't had too many girls, have you?"

Then Ryoga turns towards Ranko, pausing. "I was never the dancing dick you were, Ranma, but I had quite a few page 3's in my time!"

"Alright." Ranko allows the gown to fall off of her even more, making Ryoga very nervous at the sight of her. "Have you ever seen a more classy dame than me?"

"OK, Ranma."

"That's Ranko, luv. Here, help me out of this, will you?"

"Wait. I have to talk to the cab driver to tell him I won't be needing his services. I'll be right back."

However, Ranko is a little perplexed to see Ryoga take his things including his suitcase and practically run out the door. Then as Ranko watches through the window, he gets into the cab whilst the cab drives off.

"I keep forgetting how bashful Ryoga is. Oh, well. There's always tomorrow."

Next morning, Ranko takes a swim from the beach, using Sayuri's misplaced bikini which is more than a little too small for her. After her swim, she comes out of the water and dries herself off and covers herself up with a robe. By the time she enters the house, she finds Ryoga in the kitchen. He has already made breakfast for the two of them.

"I have a great idea, Ryoga," Ranko says while eating a piece of toast.

"What's that, luv?"

"Why don't we get married? Then I'll become Mrs. Ryoga Hibiki."

"What? Are you bloody daft?"

"It's perfect. We're pals and we know each other well. How many people start off married life with all the advantages we have together?"

"That's really creative, Ranma. I've been a bachelor for years now, and the last thing I want to do is get married to a wife named Ranma!"

"It's Ranko, not Ranma." Ranko begins to take off the robe she was wearing, letting it lay backwards on the seat she uses at the time.

"And put that thing back on!" Ryoga demands. " You mean to tell me you were out there swimming in that skimpy bikini?"

"You're acting like a husband already." Ranko complies with Ryoga's demands and puts the robe back on.

"Oh, that's just cheeky. We play and drink together for years. We chase girls together. Then we get married. Who do you want for your bridesmaid, the Yokuzuna sumo champion?"

"It's like what you've been talking about identity. I have to be Mrs. Somebody even if it's just long enough to get a passport and ID card. I need a husband."

"Ranma, what you're suggesting is unnatural, illegal, and immoral!" Then there was a knock at the door. "And whoever that is I'll be delighted to see him!"

Ryoga goes to the door and when he opens it he finds an impeccably well, dressed dandy of a man standing there with a beautiful bouquet of flowers in his hands. "Hello," the young man says, walking in the house as if he owned the place. Then he turns to see Ranko standing there, looking at him quizzically.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" Ryoga demands with a little bit of suspicion.

"Ah, yes. I am Tatewake Kuno of the Kuno estate and fortune. I heard there was a most beautiful widow here, so I thought I would pay my respects." The uninvited guest regards Ranko with a lusty yet aristocratic smile.


	6. Chapter 6

Goodbye Ranma!

"Greetings!" the young chap announced, turning towards Ranko. "I am Tatewake Kuno of the Kuno estate. I understand that you are the widow of the late Ranma Saotome."

"Yes, that's right. I'm Ranko Saotome, and this is Ryoga Hibiki, my late husband's best friend. He's a professional writer and sometimes martial arts action stuntman. Hmm. You seem vaguely familiar. Do I know you?" Ranko gives the snappily dressed man a sideways glance.

"Ah, yes. A few days ago you were walking along the beach with a look of listlessness about you. Being the kind hearted gentleman I am, I picked you up and drove you around showing you the sights. However, as soon as you saw this place your eyes lit up and you hastily demanded I drop you off here. When I was just a block away, you leaped out of the car and vanished into the darkness. For all I knew you were off your trolley. It's a good thing I have so many contacts around here or I wouldn't have been able to have found you."

"Oh, I remember now. I apologize for being so rude and leaving you like that. I was so barmy at the time," Ranko explains.

"That is quite alright, luv. I've found you here now." Kuno takes Ranko's hand and kisses it. Then he presents her with a bouquet of long stem roses.

"For me? Oh, that's so wonderful! Here, Ryoga. Place these in a vase or something." Ryoga takes the flowers while being awed by the young man's presence and charisma.

"Will you be so kind as to accompany me on a ride through the countryside?"

Ranko looks at the dashing young man for a moment. "Oh, I'd love to. Let me go change into something a little less comfortable." The redheaded girl does an about face and practically floats away into the bedroom.

"I was wondering," Kuno speaks to Ryoga.

"Wondering what?"

"Are you and Ranko, together?"

"Us? Oh, no! I'm just helping her with her finances. I'm not even living here. I live at a hotel," Ryoga protests much.

"Oh. I see. I envy you writers with your ability to weave wonderful stories out of your imagination. Nothing really interesting ever happens to me," Kuno explains as he sits down, making himself at home.

"Oh, you never know. You might have a really unusual story happening to you this very minute," Ryoga says with a look of sarcasm on his face.

At that second, Ranko comes back wearing nice traveling clothes that make her prominent breasts even more prominent. "Well, I'm ready!"

"Luv, you look simply smashing!" Kuno exclaimed, putting his arm out for Ranko to take. "Shall we go?"

"Oh, yes." Ranko happily takes the proffered arm and walks out of the house. "Don't wait up, Ryoga. Cheerio!"

After driving through the countryside in Tatewake's dark blue, expensive Bentley Speed Six, the rich chap parks his car a couple miles from the coastline.

"That was such a wonderful ride, Tatewake. Is your home far from here?"

"Oh, no. It's only a few miles from here. It's a wonderful mansion where everything you need for subsistence is there. There's even a pool inside if you want to go swimming. It's heated, you know."

"Really? That's sounds so nice." Ranko turns towards the handsome, young bloke. "What do you normally do with your free time, luv?" Ranko asks, getting a little more comfortable.

"Well, as you can see, I have this wonderful car. I have others as well."

"Are they all so dear?" Ranko asks.

"But of course. Only the best for me," Tatewake says with a smile.

"Ooh!" Ranko moans with delight.

"But my favorite is my Maserati GranCabrio." Tatewake beams with pride for a moment as he looks at the pounding waves.

"What's that?"

"It's a sports car." The rich young bloke pauses. "The problem is it won't accelerate fast enough. This is despite it having everything it needs to run smoothly."

"What about its air holes? Are they dirty or clogged?"

Tatewake turns to Ranko quickly, surprised that she would know anything about cars. "I checked on that first, but they're clean as can be."

"What's your bore and stroke?" Ranko asks.

"Three and a half by two and a half."

"Magnetos or distributors?" Ranko is looking up at the young man as if she knew what she was talking about.

"Uh, magnetos." Tatewake gets closer to the redheaded girl, putting his arm over her shoulder.

"Magnetos. Hmm. That's the problem. Have you stripped her?" Ranko's eyes are now closer to the rich young man's, looking at him with a sense of seriousness.

"Gulp, not yet."

"That's what you need to do, luv. Strip her. Never mind your feelings about her. Strip her. She'll be grateful for it in the long run."

"Really?" Tatewake asks with a sense of nervous excitement, almost sweating despite the cool breeze from the ocean.

"Yes."

"I surely will do that," the chap answers with a smile.

"Then put an overdrive unit in between her differential housings," Ranko explains while looking up at her host.

"Then a little alcohol in her mixture?"

"That always helps."

By this time, Tatewake Kuno is sweating profusely. "Let's do it together, luv."

"Sure, luv. Anytime."

"This is so thrilling. I can't wait to tell my older sister and father. Oh, darling!" Kuno hugs Ranko affectionately.

* * *

Later that night back at the house, Ranko is smartly dressed, wearing a silk evening gown while primping in front of the mirror.

"You can actually see yourself as a bride to that Kuno guy?" Ryoga stammers.

"Yes. It would be so wonderful for me to wear a beautiful wedding gown and walk down the aisle while everybody stares at me in awe." Ranko walks a few feet, twirling around like a ballerina.

"You're discussing marriage like you're some rich girl debutante!" Ryoga exclaims while Ranko admires her reflection in the mirror.

"You're a beach bum. And now you want to get married to some guy you hardly know? And you wonder why I'm so aggravated!"

As Ranko strolls out of the bedroom into the living room, Ryoga follows after her. "You know if I didn't know better I'd think you were jealous."

"Jealous?" Ryoga yells. "Are you daft?" The former lost boy walks off in a huff while Ranko sits down calmly.

"Look, Ryoga. I have a problem and you know it. So I've just come up with a solution. You have a better idea, luv?"

"Ranko, I do have a plan," Ryoga replies, lowering his voice.

"And that would be what?"

"In my many travels from when I got lost, I've gotten to know a lot of people. A few of them can easily fake an ID for you. Then we can get a doctor to shift your hormones around like a…"

Ranko starts to giggle.

"What's so funny?"

Ranko finally laughs out loud.

"You think you could succeed in that kind of escapade? As devious as I've been in my life, I couldn't begin to do something like that. This kind of thing is for player not straight arrows like you, Ryoga.

"Now you're being cheeky!" is Ryoga's reply.

The doorbell rings. "Oh, it's him!" Ranko prances to the door and opens it. "Tatewake, I'm ready!"

"How wonderful!" Tatewake takes hold of Ranko as the both of them laugh, giggling all the way to his car. As they leave, Ryoga sits down with his head in his hands, gutted over the events.

After the two lovers depart the home, a gaunt looking man with a pale complexion watches them leave while he hides in the shadows. Then the creepy looking man walks up to the front door and knocks.

The door opens. "What do you want now? Uh? Who are you?"

"Hello, you're Ryoga Hibiki, aren't you?"

"Yes." Ryoga looks at the man with an enquiring look on his face.

"I am Inspector Gosunkugi," the pasty looking man says as he shows Ryoga his badge. "I'd like to talk to you about the Ranma Saotome case. May I come in?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Come in. I should have known you were an inspector since you wearing a fedora hat and a raincoat."

The inspector gives Ryoga a sharp look. "May I sit down?"

"Oh, yes. Sure, go ahead." The man takes a seat by the table. "Would you like a drink?"

"No, thanks. I'm on duty."

"Who was it that just left here?" the inspector asks, regarding Ryoga shrewdly.

"That was the widow of Ranma Saotome, his wife Ranko. The guy was Tatewake Kuno of the Kuno Estate or something like that," Ryoga answers with his nerves up.

"So she's staying here too?"

Ryoga nerves get the better of him. "She's staying here, but I'm not. I stay at a hotel."

"I see. The widow didn't seem too upset over her husband's death, did she?"

"She is upset. She makes it a point to cover it up."

"Last night you and Mrs. Saotome went to the Sokko party, did you not?"

"Yes, that's right," Ryoga answers.

"The widow and the best friend socializing with the murderer?"

"That's show business."

"Hmm. Do you mind if I take a gander around?"

"Of course not!" Ryoga states, sweating nervously.

For a couple of minutes, the inspector looks around, turning his head to the right and the left. "Alright, I'm finished."

"Done already? That's it?"

"Yes. That's it. I'll take that drink now."

"You mean you're off duty, or are you skiving off?"

"No, I'm thirsty."

"We have sake and Western drinks like bourbon."

"I'll have Bourbon on the rocks if you please."

The inspector takes a close look at Ryoga while he makes the drink. "It's very kind of you, Hibiki San. I hope I'm not putting you through any kind of inconvenience."

"Oh, no. None at all. I just don't know what you're looking for," Ryoga replies while handing him the drink.

"I'll find what I'm looking for sooner or later. Cheers." Then Gosunkugi gulps the drink down in one throw.

After finishing his drink, the inspector turns towards Ryoga. "You going to reside in town for a long time, Hibiki San?"

"Not for too long. My home is in Hokkaido. In fact, I was hundreds of miles away when Ranma was murdered," Ryoga says with a nervous smile.

"Really? Sounds like you have a good alibi."

"Alibi? I don't need an alibi!"

"Alright. Keep your shirt on."

"I haven't done anything wrong," Ryoga states, trying to make himself sound confident.

Gosunkugi starts to laugh.

"Well, have I?"

Gosunkugi looks up at Ryoga. "There's been many times when people have done things wrong without being aware of it. Then they're in trouble just like that."

"Take you for example. If you were to know something about this case and kept your trap shut about it that would be a felony. Did you know that?"

"Then let's say you and someone else were involved in this. That would be conspiracy, a serious felony. Of course there are side issues like fraud and perjury. That's over a hundred years in jail, and you really haven't done anything." Gosunkugi starts to laugh creepily as he stares at Ryoga. Ryoga also joins in the laughter nervously.

"See what I mean, Hibiki San?" The creepy man gets up and makes his way to the door with Ryoga seeing him out.

"Good night, Inspector," Ryoga says.

"Good night. And thanks for the drink." Gosunkugi gives Ryoga a scary smile. Then he leaves.

Once the inspector is gone, Ryoga runs to the blower and dials a number. "Hello, Happosai Sokko?"

"I'm sorry, sir. Mr. Sokko is having his usual game of mahjong tonight," the butler answers with a regal calmness about him.

"Oh. Can you tell me where this game of mahjong is being held?" Ryoga asks.

"He's playing mahjong at the Daihatsu Hotel. The room is 508. May I enquire as to what this is about?"

"No, that's alright. I'll tell him when I get there. Thanks for the info, mate." "I need to figure something out or Ranma will end up with that rich toff," Ryoga thinks as he gets himself dressed up and prepares to leave.

When Tatewake and Ranko arrive at Kuno's home, it proves to be a massive mansion, resembling a samurai's castle in the Edo period on the outside. At the same time it looks very modern on the inside.

"How do you like my humble abode?" Tatewake asks.

"It's simply smashing!"

"Shall we have something to drink?" the handsome bachelor requests.

"You mean have a drink together, the two of us?" Ranko asks.

"Why, yes. I don't do too much drinking, but I do like to drink on occasions like this." Tatewake smiles at the pretty young thing in front of him.

"Pray tell what occasion is that?" Ranko asks rather coyly.

"I realize we haven't been seeing each other for too long. Despite that I've presumed on our relationship." Tatewake reaches into his pockets and shows Ranko a small, luxurious container. After opening the container, a large 14 carat diamond ring is revealed.

"Oh, my!" Ranko can hardly keep herself from wetting her knickers as she sees the shine of the diamond.

"It's bespoke, delivered just for you."

"Oh, it's beautiful!" Ranko stood there gobsmacked.

"Here, let me put it on you."

"OK." Ranko puts her hand out while Tatewake puts the ring on her finger. As Ranko admires the ring, she backs away from Tatewake's attempt to kiss her, awestruck at the sight of the diamond ring.

"This is going to be hard for me to say, but I'm going to have to insist on a long engagement. It wouldn't be right to just get married, tonight. It's not as if I can let you just sweep me off my feet."

"Oh, yes you could, luv," Tatewake answers as he walks up the stairs to the fireplace and looks downward on her, smiling in triumph.

"This mood you're in. It's so manly and masterful," Ranko explains as Tatewake smiles at her. "But it's also very dangerous."

Ranko continues to speak, just after darting her eyes to her left and back . "Of course we could be on Shinjuku Street in less than an hour."

"Well…"

"We couldn't find a good place to get hitched around here," Ranko explains as she looks up at her prospective fiancé."

Tatewake Kuno gazes at Ranko's beauty as he contemplates the situation. "You're right."

"I'm right?" Ranko replies, hiding her disappointment. Ranko pauses to think for a moment. "Gads, I've over played my hand!"

"It wouldn't work. The traffic at this time would be just ghastly. Therefore, I shall charter a helicopter. We'll find a great place to get married in minutes!"

"Oh, Tatewake," Ranko moans, her breasts heaving. "I just can't fight you anymore. You're too overpowering."

The rich gent smiles and happily goes to the blower while Ranko admires the rock on her finger.

"It's done. Now let's have a drink to celebrate," Tatewake suggests.

"Oh, alright." Ranko looks around and doesn't see any hooch.

"The champagne is down in the cellar. Let's go down there together."

"Alright, but I don't see any…"

"This way." The wealthy, young man takes Ranko by the hand to the opposing wall. Then he pushes part of the wall that gives in, revealing to be a secret passage way to the mansion's cellar.

"Watch your step, luv. It's rather dark."

Ranko goes down the steps right after Tatewake who eventually turns on the lights. As the cellar is illuminated, the pretty, young girl is astonished at the huge amount of wine, champagne, and sake placed in there. A table with wine glasses is there as well. "There's enough alcohol in here for over a dozen parties! I'm going to enjoy living here!"

Back at the house, Ryoga gets in the car and drives off to the hotel at which Happosai is staying. "I better get over there and get Happosai to help me, or Ranma will end up married to that rich toff!"

AUTHOR'S NOTES: There's a need to tell you as one of my reviewers suggested that I got the idea for this fanfic from the movie, Good-bye, Charlie. Now will you be so kind as to leave me a review? Thank you.


	7. Chapter 7

Good-Bye Charlie

Ryoga drives to the hotel where Happosai is having his game of mahjong. But as he parks his car and makes his way to the building, he notices Inspector Gosunkugi observing the building in which he is about to enter.

"Gosh! What is the inspector doing here?"Ryoga uses all the stealth he can muster to make certain the inspector doesn't see him. Then he gets inside an elevator.

"Whew! That was close!"But his relief turns into dismay as the elevator goes through a glass encasing that's visible from the outside. Ryoga gasps as the creepy Gosunkugi is looking straight at him as he goes up.

Moments later, Ryoga arrives at the suite in which Happosai and some friends are having their game which seems to be ending.

As Happosai's guests walk out, Ryoga walks in. "Ryoga! It's so great to see you!" the old man speaks as he looks up and recognizes him. "Come in! Come in!"

Ryoga looks around suspiciously, making sure nobody else is watching. Then he walks in the room and closes the door behind him. "Are you alone, mate?"

"Yes, I am. Come on in and sit down, Ryoga. Have a drink?"

"Happy, I'm in a crack right now. I really need your help," Ryoga says.

"Such a respectable chap like yourself is in a jam? What happened, didn't pay your cable bill?"

"Don't take a piss out of me now, mate. This is serious!" Ryoga says anxiously.

"Alright, how can I help you?"

"I want to help someone who doesn't have papers get registered somehow. I was thinking of going to an embassy and getting some paperwork forged."

"Good luck with that, Ryoga."

"I mean it, Happi. Who can I talk to about getting this done?"

"I see." The old man looks at Ryoga shrewdly. "Is this person you want to help a member of the opposite sex?"

"What does sex have to do with anything?"

"I have sex on the mind, my boy," Happosai answers.

"It's a girl."

"I see." Happosai begins to take a few hits on his pipe.

"It's very important, and I have to do this tonight," Ryoga states with urgency.

"Why doesn't she have a passport. Is she some kind of fugitive?"

"Well, no. She shares a joint passport with her husband."

"Ah hah! I see your game now. It's probably best the husband isn't aware of what's going on. Is it someone I know?" Happosai asks with his eyebrows raised.

"No. It's nobody in the film business," Ryoga answers, twiddling his thumbs. "You gotta help me, mate."

"It's a good thing you came to me for help. Why is that? Well, I'm quite fond of you. I'm an incurable romantic, and I'm slightly crooked. The last point will be very important in a scam like this." Happosai dials and speaks on the blower.

"Hello, Ian. This is Happosai Sokko. Bring my ship into port. I have a job for you and the crew." Happosai puts the phone down.

"…" Ryoga is about to say something until the old gent holds a hand up.

Happosai dials again and speaks. "Hello, Guido? Yes, it's me. Bring a couple of men with you later tonight. Armed? No, mate. They don't need to be armed. Well, if they feel more secure being armed that's fine, but it won't be necessary. You'll be ready then? Bravo!"

"You and your lady friend are practically there now."

Ryoga looks at the older man with a sense of shock and awe.

"What's wrong, Ryoga? I figured you'd be happy."

Ryoga gets up. "I'm simply surprised at you, mate. Here I figured you to be a self-centered twit, but it turns out you're a great chap after all. It just goes to show, you can't judge a book by its cover."

"That's alright, Ryoga. We all make mistakes."

"No, really. If any bloke criticizes you in my presence, I shall give him a good thrashing!" Ryoga raises his fist up.

Happosai looks at Ryoga intently. I appreciate that, mate. What you've said is very touching."

"Oh, Happi!" Ryoga goes over and gives the old gent a brotherly hug.

"Now I need to get the travel papers. I need to be alone for that," Happosai says.

"I'll leave it to you, mate."

"Good. Go to where my ship is normally docked. Be there in two hours. Wait for me there. Now go!" Happosai orders.

Ryoga happily goes to the door and opens it to see a maid about to walk through. "Sokko-Sama, can I start cleaning your room now?"

"I want to thank you again for…"

Happosai holds his hand up again while the other hand takes hold of the phone. As the maid walks in, Ryoga walks out.

"Ashton! I'm in need of some travel documents, mate. Get that chap who did such a smashing job on those French passports. You can get him? Capitol! More important than anything else, the bloke must have contacts in at least three cities!"

The maid sets up to clean and notices the line to the Blower isn't connected to the wall socket. With a look of perplexity, she holds it up and looks at the old gent strangely who is still talking, talking to no one.

Back at the Kuno mansion, Ranko and her host are drinking it up, getting snockered. "That's so funny," Ranko giggles as Tatewake fills her glass yet again as he relates a happening.

"There's no need to go so far, Mother. I just want a lemonade stand so I can make my own pocket money." While he speaks, Tatewake staggers around, bladdered. "But of course, Mother went overboard. She hired a professional designer for the lemonade tea stand and everything."

"That's so funny!" Ranko giggles at the story. "Ooh!" the redheaded girl swoons, the liqueur getting to her head.

"I didn't make much money doing that, but I sure had fun trying," Tatewake explains.

"It must have been great having all that money and everything you ever wanted," Ranko says twirling her wine glass around.

"It was nice having everything I ever wanted, but I never really did anything until the day I saw you on the road." The rich toff admires Ranko for a spell. "You're beautiful, so beautiful."

"Makes sense that a bride be comely," Ranko answers, admiring the handsome, well-dressed chap.

"You are more than just beautiful, luv. You're exhilarating. I've never seen a lovelier lass," Tatewake says, looking at Ranko seriously. "You have a beautiful face with which I can trust my life. It's as if I can tell you anything. And that's important to me, luv."

Ranko looks at the rich lad, contemplating the situation. "You hardly know me, luv."

"I know you well enough. You're everything I want in a woman. I worship and adore you, my red haired goddess!" With every word Tatewake slumps downward more and more to the table at which he sits, his eyes getting drowsy.

"That must be the champagne talking, luv," Ranko answers.

"No, luv. The champagne has removed my inhibitions, but I mean what I say. How much I love you. All the poetry and songs inside of me were locked up until your presence opened all of it up."

Ranko's countenance is awash with guilt and concern as she speaks. "I might not be that way at all. How could you know?"

Tatewake slumps more into the table, practically falling asleep. "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depths of my heart. My soul is…" Tatewake finally slumps down and falls asleep, all the liqueur taking its toll.

Ranko looks on her would be fiancé with a look of sadness and guilt, her eyes welling up. "I can't do this. It just isn't right."

With a look of resignation in her eyes Ranko takes the ring off and places it on the table in front of her would be suitor. Oh so silently she creeps away, leaving the mansion, getting into her car and morosely going home."

Ryoga stands around at the port right where Happi's luxury liner is anchored. He takes another look at his watch. Then he takes another gander at the water, searching for another boat to arrive and sees nothing.

"What's going on? Happi's a whole hour late! Is he going to show up?" Ryoga contemplates. The only thing he can hear are the waves pounding the shore and the mooring ships creaking as they shift on the moving waters.

Noticing the moonlight bounce on the waves, Ryoga decides he's been stood up. "Crikey! Where's Happosai? Has he forgotten about our rendezvous?" Before another thought could enter his mind, Ryoga quickly gets into his car and takes off for Happosai's mansion.

As Ryoga arrives at the driveway of Happosai's home, he notices the chauffeur running to a fast car like there was no tomorrow. "What's that all about?"

Walking to the entrance, Ryoga sees the butler open the door before he can get to it. "Good evening, Master Hibiki."

"Has Mr. Sokko returned yet?" Ryoga asks urgently.

"No, he's been gone since this morning," the butler answers.

All of a sudden Seiko comes bursting out of the mansion right through Ryoga and the butler. She runs to the car like there's no time to lose, dropping something. Ryoga looks down and notices it's a nine mm gun. But he doesn't have long to look at it as Seiko doubles back and picks it up running inside the car. "To Strawberry Fields Road and step on it!" Seiko orders the chauffeur.

"Seiko, where are you…" "Crikey! That's where Ranma lives!" Ryoga quickly gets in his car and follows after her.

XXX

Ranko parks her car in the driveway of her home and quickly makes her way inside the house. "Ryoga! Where are you, luv? I want to talk to you!" the redhead calls out. Then she sees someone she had never expected to see again.

"Hello there, Ranko." Standing in a corner was Happosai, smiling and licking his lips in anticipation of what he was going to do.

"Crikey! What are you doing here? How did you get in, and where's Ryoga?"

"Can't a chap visit the wife of the man he's killed without any kind of accusations being leveled at him?" Happosai says with a smile. He makes his way to the young woman who backs away from him.

"Ryoga!"

"In answer to your question, Ryoga is waiting at a harbor several miles from here. He can't hear you, and he couldn't help you if he was here. And as for getting in, I got through the terrace door which was open. It's not as if a locked door could have stopped me anyway, luv. While I was waiting for your arrival, I put on something a little more comfortable."

"You're wearing one of my… I mean Ranma's leisure jackets."

"Yes, it's a bit roomy, but it still feels nice. It surprises me how Ranma was able to afford something so nice with the horrid state of his finances. Now why don't you slip into something more comfortable? That evening gown is so…"

"It's good that you're actually here."

"Really?" The old man eyes widen as a smile broadens.

"Yes, I want to talk to you about…"

"We can talk, later after we've had a nice shag."

"No. Nothing like that. I want to talk now!" Ranko refuses, protesting what Happosai has in store for her.

"Later for that, luv. I love smoking and talking after a roll in the hay. Actually I don't, but you can do all the talking you want after that." With speed and grace, Happosai practically teleports himself right up to Ranko, grabs her, and picks her up.

"Let go of me this instant!" Ranko orders, but her orders go unheeded.

"Your skin is like satin. Your body is a monument to pleasure and excitement," Happosai announces, stroking the hapless bird and carrying her off to the direction of the bedroom.

"No! I don't believe this is happening to me! Stop it!" Ranko demands, doing her best to fight off the lecherous old man.

"You can't get away from me, luv," Happosai states confidently. But Ranko does get away, squirming out of his grasp. Then she runs away from him.

"Ryoga was right; this is the punishment that fits the crime!" Ranko says as Happi takes off after her.

"You speak in riddles, luv. Well, I have one of my own. I've taken Ranma's life. Now I'm taking his wife."

"Happi, I want to help you!" Ranma screams. "I'm pleading with you to stop treating women like sex objects, running from one woman to another. It's a waste of a good life!"

"Don't worry about the running. I'm in great shape. I do a good amount of martial arts training," the old lecher responds as he keeps chasing after her all through the beach house.

But then Ranma runs to the terrace, overlooking the sea, realizing there's no escape from the man who has her backed into a corner. "Listen, Happi. I, too, was a bad bloke who abused the opposite sex, but now I see the emptiness of my life!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, sweeto. But you can tell me all about it later after I've had my way with you."

"No! No! NO!" Ranko screamed as Happosai pinned her to the floor and began to relieve her of her evening gown.

"You rat bastard!" both of them hear.

"Seiko, my dear," the old gent says congenially with a look of surprise on his face. "It's so wonderful to see you."

"After everything you've put me through, cursing me out and calling me all sorts of names. Then you have the gall to show up here at Ranma's house after you murdered him!" Seiko screams, brandishing a nine mm gun.

"You don't have to shoot him, Seiko!" Ranma cautions as both she and Happosai get back on their feet.

"Shoot him? I'm going to shoot you, you bloody, conniving tramp!" Taking aim, she fires, but Ranko's quickness is too much so Seiko misses. Seiko keeps firing and missing while Ranko moves all around the terrace to avoid getting hit.

"Oh, no!" Ranko yells out, staying one step ahead of the gunfire aimed at her.

"I'm going to shoot you until there's nothing left!" Seiko calls out as she continues to fire the gun.

"Oh, not again!" Ranko screams as she climbs to the top of the railing where there's nothing but ocean below.

"You won't get away from me!" Seiko screams as she keeps firing until she nails Ranko in the back, dropping her into the sea below.

"Aaaaah!"

It's at that point that Ryoga finally gets there, running to the scene and seeing what's happening. "Ranma! Ranma!" he screams, diving in after her, but as he wades through the water, he can't find her. "Ranma!"

"By George, I think he's daft!" Happosai announces as he and his wife look over the terrace.

"Ranma!" Ryoga calls out again to no avail.

XXX

Ryoga, Seiko, and Happosai are back in the house. Ryoga is drying off as his guests are sitting down. "My mate, my very good mate," Ryoga says directing a glare at Happosai. "To think I trusted you. What a bloody muttonhead I was!" Then he turns to Seiko. "And you, you flirtatious tart! You had to go into a jealous rage and shoot Ranma after all the men you've been with!"

"For the record, I shot Ranma," Happosai interjects.

"Just shut up!" Ryoga yells. "Shut up and get lost!"

"But what about the murder?" Happosai asks.

"Never mind that! Just leave. I'll take care of everything."

"Ryoga!" the old gent announces as he gives Ryoga a hug. "This is mighty good of you, mate. I'll never forget it!"

But Ryoga breaks himself free. "Will you two leave my bloody house? Go home and shoot each other, why don't you?"

"Come now, luv," Happosai speaks to his wife. "Let us depart. Oh, Ryoga, by the way, mate, make sure you send me the manuscript of your book when it's done."

"Good-bye, luv," Seiko says, waving farewell. "It was nice seeing you." Then the couple departs.

As Ryoga pours himself a drink, he thinks on the events of the past few days. Looking at the ocean outside, he says, "this might have been for the best, Ranma."

Then he sits down on the recliner and relaxes, practically falling asleep.

Author's notes: As said in the next chapter, I rewrote this, deleting the part about Ranko/Ranma waking up as if out of a dream.


	8. Chapter 8

Good-Bye Charlie

Author's Notes: Hello, all. Decided to rewrite the last chapter. You don't have to reread the whole thing. I've simply deleted the last paragraph where Ranko/Ranma seems to wake up from a dream. As of now this takes place right after Ryoga falls asleep in the chair he was sitting in at the time. Dearly apologize for confusing everyone. And now for the last chapter of this smashing epic! Tally ho!

* * *

"Ryoooogaaa!" a feint calling out is heard. "Ryoooogaaaa!" is closer this time. "Ryoga!"

"Huh?! What's bloody going on?!" Ryoga abruptly gets up from his chair and has his jaw drop when he sees Ranko standing there in the patio drenched with sea water, smelling like fish. Her clothes cling to her body much like a participant in a wet T-shirt contest. "Crikey! What happened to you?! How did you make it back? I couldn't find you despite searching for you several feet under the water."

"I fell really deep into the water, and it took me a while to swim my way back up, luv," Ranko explains while huffing and puffing from her extertions.

"But how did you survive being so deep under water for so long?!" Ryoga says with his eyes widened.

"I learned how to take in an inordinate amount of oxygen allowing me to stay under water for an excessively long time from a martial arts technique. Anyhow, I'm wet and this gown's ruined, but I'm alright. It looks like you're happy to see me, luv."

Ryoga runs over to Ranko and gives her a hug. He holds on to the lass tightly with love and affection. "I was gutted when I couldn't find you in all that water. I thought you were a goner for sure! Oh, Ranko!"

"Oh, Ryoga. If I didn't know better, I'd think you cared," Ranko says with a blush.

"I do care, luv," Ryoga answers.

"Hmmm," Ranko sighs deliciously, responding to the hug with a hug of her own. "It feels so good being in your arms, Ryoga. You make me feel safe and secure. It's like I can let my guard down and let everything hang out."

"I'll never let you go, Ranko," Ryoga responds with tears.

"Ryoga!" Ranko says happily. "You called me by my new name."

"That's right, Ranko. I know you're different from the bloke I knew so long ago."

"I am different, Ryoga. I've learned some serious lessons and will be a good girl from now on." Ranko gives Ryoga a look of innocence. "But I need a good shower right now." Ranko takes a sniff of Ryoga who is now drenched with sea water smell himself from having held on to her so tightly. "Come to think of it, so do you."

"Um."

"Don't be shy, luv. You know you like what you see me." Ranko smiles upward, breathing in such a way that her scarcely concealed breasts heave forward. "You wouldn't have jumped into the water like you did if you hadn't of cared."

The chap looks down at the lass, taking the view of the bird in her entirety. He takes a deep breath and says nothing more, looking her into her eyes and getting lost in them.

Ranko returns the gaze, raising one eye brow to him. "Come on, luv. Let's take a shower. Then we can lie down and rest. But to tell the truth I'm feeling rather fruity right now," Ranko breathes out giving Ryoga that look. "Your love and affection has me so relaxed and comfortable."

Ryoga's feint blush becomes deeper. He slowly reaches out to her while Ranko raises up her arms since she figures out what he's trying to do. Ryoga slowly helps Ranma out of her wet, clinging evening gown by pulling it up and over her head. Ranko helps him out of his clothes at the same time. In a matter of minutes, the two lovers are washing and bathing each other in the shower.

* * *

Several hours later, Ryoga and Ranko are in bed together, exhausted after over an hour of shagging. "Oh, Ryoga!" Ranko sounds off. "Now I know why so many birds wanted to have sex so badly."

"You were great too, Ranma. I've never felt so appreciated in my entire life, luv." Ryoga looks up at the lass who is lying on top of him, making her smile and blush.

As the two lovers begin to fall asleep, they both hear something. "What's that?" Ranko asks, getting up from the bed.

"There's someone else here," Ryoga comments, also getting out of the bed. After putting some clothes on the two of them leave the bedroom and enter the living room to see Happosai Sokko!

"You think you fooled me with that act, Ryoga!" the old gent screams. "And now it looks as if you've been boinking this lovely bird."

"Act?! I wasn't acting. I didn't know Ranko had survived. I did everything I could to find her, but I couldn't. Even you were sure that your wife had killed her."

"You had me fooled, you bloody codger. Then I got to thinking." The old man pauses for effect, making a small pose and gesture with his hands. "You got rid of me, so you could have this hot piece of ass for yourself. Well I won't have it! How dare you be such a selfish pig?!"

"Get out of here, Happy, while you still can!" Ranko yells back. "No one wants to talk to you!"

"You're bloody gutsy now that's Ryoga's here to protect you!"

"We don't want you around here, so why don't you just bugger off?"

The old man's face turns into a twisting contortion of hate and rage. "I'm not leaving until I get some satisfaction."

"You can't get no satisfaction. Yet you try and you try and you try and you try. You can't get none!" Ranko says wryly.

"Very funny, you witless tart!" Happosai looks around and zeroes in on a chest of drawers, sniffing his way there. "Hmm. These things are huge!" the old man announces as he holds up a couple of large brassieres in his hands, putting them up to his nose. "Sweeto!"

"Give that back, you bloody perv!" Ranko states, walking over to the old man aggro! Ryoga also walks over to the old man angrily.

Upon seeing the two martial artists moving in his direction, Happy decides to make a break for it leaping through open sliding doors to the patio and jumping from the terrace to the street below, landing safely on his feet with the exceptionally large brassieres in hand.

"Oh! Come back!" Ranko screams with Ryoga right behind her, chasing after the old man in the same manner.

"You'll never catch me!" Happosai runs very fast for an old gent, covering a lot of ground. With his unusual speed he has made it to the main street of the town with Ryoga and Ranko chasing behind him.

As Happosai keeps on running he notices two professionally dressed beautiful, young women walking towards an office building. It's 7:30 am in the morning and there are only a few people walking around the streets at the time. The sun is out and the sky is clear with a nice breeze coming from the sea so everyone is pretty chipper. Even the two birds walk to work with a spring in their step, oblivious as to what's about to happen to them.

"Sweeto!" Happy yells, reaching for the buttoned down blouses and business skirts the ladies are wearing and yanking them off. "I meant to grab the bras and panties off of them too," Happosai thinks to himself. "But I'm moving too fast. Oh, well. It was a great view though."

"What the bloody!" one of the professional women screams, noticing that their tops and skirts were no longer there.

"That old perv done took our clothes off; he did," the other one comments as Ranko and Ryoga pass by them.

"We can't go to work like this. After him!" the first one yells, giving chase.

Along the way, Happosai spots a bobby directing traffic. "What a hot pair of knockers on that one!" the old man thinks to himself. "I'm going to have to see what I can do. Got it!"

The bobby feels a draft. Then she notices the shirt and skirt of her officer's uniform are missing, leaving her in her black brassier, panties, and garter belt. Even the bow that ties her hair in a bun is gone. This causes the long blond tresses of her hair to go flowing in the breeze. "What the bloody… It was that dirty old man!" She blows her whistle at the fleeing figure to no avail. And after seeing Ryoga, Ranko, and the two professional women from earlier pass by her, she herself gives chase.

As the throng chases after him, Happy looks back over his shoulder and stumbles over a banana peel. "Crikey! Yeow!" The wily old man goes flying into a hot dog vender, smashing the whole cart and the contents!

"You bloody, old fart! How dare you wreck me business?!" the hot dog vendor screams, raising his fist in a rage as he is cheesed off.

"Listen here you fat mook! That was just a fluke! Get over it!" Happy is so angry at the raging vendor that he tosses a happo bomb at him. But despite the fact the vendor is a middle aged man who is rather thick in the middle, he ducks the attack that goes over his head and smashing through the glass pane of a bakery, blowing much of the place up.

"Crikey!" the baker screams, running out of his establishment and noticing Happosai throwing another happo bomb at Ryoga and Ranko and the angry people behind them. They are beginning to gain on him so he decides the best way to slow down his pursuers is to force them back with an explosive happo bomb.

"Did you do this?!" the baker screams. "Look at my establishment! You're going to pay for this!"

"Belt up and get stuffed! I don't have time for this!" After cussing out both the vendor and baker, Happosai ran off, widening the gap between him and his pursuers.

As soon as Ryoga, Ranko, and the others pass them by in their pursuit of the wily old man, the two gobsmacked men get their wits and take off to join the parade. This goes on for a couple more miles with Happosai offending more people and causing them to chase after him too. The procession looks comical to the watchers by who laugh themselves silly.

"This is getting tiring!" the old man thinks to himself. "I need to…"

To the old man's surprise, Ryoga and Ranko catch up to him. In a coordinated attack, the two martial artists kick him into the sky, inadvertently setting off the happo bombs on Happy's person, making it look as if the man blew up with fireworks going off all over the place.

"Wow!" everyone watching exclaims as the old man seems to explode into a thousand pieces.

"You think that's the end of him, luv?" Ranko asks her lover.

"You can never know with Happosai. Let's go home, Ranko." The two walk through the throng of people who had chased after Happosai who have looks of surprise on their faces.

* * *

Over the course of the next few months, Ryoga and Ranko find some computer geeks to give Ranko an identity. Then they get the finances of her previous life in order, settling down in their home by the sea after having gotten married. Both Ryoga and Ranko have great careers; Ryoga being a popular screen and book writer while Ranko becomes a well-known martial arts movie star. Nabiki is happy to be her agent, not knowing she had been Ranko's agent in the past. Ranko also makes peace with Sayuri and Yuka, fast becoming friends with them.

Happosai turns up a few times, but he eventually gets hoisted by his own petard when he cheats on his wife one too many times. The last time occurs with a buxom starlet who is actually a kunoichi/ninja assassin his wife hires to kill him. The woman ends his life by being poisoning him and killing him with a hidden kanto blade she hides on her person.

Author's Notes: Wasn't expecting this kind of ending? No one expects this kind of ending! Did everyone like the Benny Hill chase at the end? The classic movie I used for this fanfic's template was **Good-Bye Charlie**. The starring role was played by the late, great Tony Curtis who died in the year 2010. I placed Ryoga in Tony Curtis's role while placing Ranko/Ranma in the role of the blond whose real name was Debbie Reynolds. Right now I'm working on another fanfic based on another movie which also involved the legendary Tony Curtis and called **Some Like it Hot**. I'll be naming the fanfic, **Some Like Their Water Hot**. Be on the lookout for it. Thanks again, mates. Cheerio!


End file.
